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Content warnings: several of the song lyrics deal with depression and suicidal thoughts originating from childhood trauma. The backstory of both characters involves sexual trauma (including childhood sexual abuse) and/or incest. There are also non-detailed descriptions of sex in the introduction and yonic transgender imagery. Also one of the songs uses the word “crippled”.

 

The Boy Has Built a Catacomb

A music compilation

Being a companion to Ambrosia or “My boyfriend was fatally injured because I, wishing to live out my revenge fantasy against my father through him, convinced him it was a good idea to get in a fight with his asshole boss that he had no hope of winning, so now I must gestate him inside me until he is well again.”

[Listen] | Download

Tracklisting:    

1.  Sopor Aeternus and the Ensemble of Shadows: Alone 
[Sopor Aeternus and the Ensemble of Shadows: Tales from the Inverted Womb]
2. 
Helium Vola: Je Chante par Couverture (I sing and pretend)
[Sopor Aeternus and the Ensemble of Shadows: Little Velveteen Knight]
[Sopor Aeternus and the Ensemble of Shadows: The Boy has Built a Catacomb]
[Sopor Aeternus and the Ensemble of Shadows: Totes Kind (Little Dead Boy)]
[Sopor Aeternus and the Ensemble of Shadows: Resume…-]
[Sopor Aeternus and the Ensemble of Shadows: La Prima Vez]
3.  Sopor Aeternus and the Ensemble of Shadows: Hello
[Sopor Aeternus and the Ensemble of Shadows: May I Kiss Your wound?]
4. Björk: Play Dead
5. Helium Vola: Dormi (Sleep)
6. Kate Bush: An Architect’s Dream
7. Nightwish: Élan
8. VNV Nation: Colours of Rain
9. Loreena McKennitt: Dante’s Prayer
10. Battlestar Galactica Soundtrack: Cally Descends
11. Madoka Magica Soundtrack: Cubilulum Album (White Bedroom)
12. Akira Soundtrack: Winds Over Neo-Tokyo
13. Revolutionary Girl Utena Soundtrack: Tsumi no Kajitsu (Forbidden Fruit)
14. Nightwish: Kuolema Tekee Taiteilijan (Death Makes an Artist)
15. Revolutonary Girl Utena Soundtrack: Missing Link
16. VNV Nation: Nova (maestoso)

 

Alone
Explanation:  Unicron had no friends, only the changing scenery around him – the only beautiful things in a life of pain, and even then his sadness dulled any beauty that could be derived from them. His “childhood” was “the dawn of a most stormy life”.  The “lightning in the sky” and cloud in the form of a demon is referring to Primacron.

 From childhood’s hour I have not been
As others were—I have not seen
As others saw—I could not bring
My passions from a common spring—
From the same source I have not taken
My sorrow—I could not awaken
My heart to joy at the same tone—
And all I lov’d—I lov’d alone—
Then—in my childhood—in the dawn
Of a most stormy life—was drawn
From ev’ry depth of good and ill
The mystery which binds me still—
From the torrent, or the fountain
From the red cliff of the mountain
From the sun that ’round me roll’d
In its autumn tint of gold—
From the lightning in the sky
As it pass’d me flying by—
From the thunder, and the storm
And the cloud that took the form
(When the rest of Heaven was blue)
Of a demon in my view—

 

Tales from the Inverted Womb

 Alas, let me tell you about the beauty of the tomb:
the stained glass, all viole(n)t, enhancing the gloom.
Dark flowers, all withered, fragile and old,
yet, their perfume still lingers like a secret untold.
Like a dream, or a memory that floats in this vault,
waiting for the moment it shall be recalled by some visitor,
maybe, who is seeking release from a strange kind of sadness,
some unknown disease.
Its symptoms are madness, caused by the music in his head,
sung by an endless choir, called:
"the Voices of the Dead".

 It's his longing for silence, for the absence of sound,
that will lead him the hidden path below the ground.
Where he shall discover, through terror and through fear,
behind black iron doors
... something is sleeping here:
a little dead baby, a young boy lies kept,
so fragile and frightened, crippled and sad...

 

Je Chante par Couverture
Explanation:  A minicon is in distress, but no one comes to his aid. Do the celestial bodies think he’s making it up for attention? That it’s just what creators do to their creations? That all children need discipline? That he’s just an object, not possessing sentience? He must hold it all in, because crying will bring a beating or worse. 

I sing and pretend
But my eyes would rather cry
And no-one knows the agony
My poor heart suffers
I sing to pretend 

I sing and pretend

That's why my pain changes
Because not a soul shows a sign of sympathy
The more reason one has to cry
The less affection he finds
I sing and pretend 

I sing and pretend

There is little use
In showing unhappiness
Because those with cheerful hearts
Will think this foolish

I sing to pretend

 I sing and pretend

Little Velveteen Knight
Explanation: Alas, the child is the son of the Robot Devil, who will live until the death of the universe. The family intrigue may kill you, Starscream. 

Infants like phantoms, denied and suspected,
their existence discovered always when least expected.
Prepared for the day, the knight, he just cannot keep
the perfect mask in its place, when he is falling asleep.
Faces slacken in slumber, each rigid muscle relaxes,
without warning the hidden child comes to the surface.
From the deepest darkness, some unnameable place,
of the tower inverted, comes a different face;
climbing upwards with effort, to see through the eyes...-
windows to the soul -now shut- are starring inside.
And while the outside beholder sees the face of a child,
this fearful and helpless infant turns to a wild beast inside:
becomes the architect of the most terrible dreams
and puts a cruel fears of death into our hero's sleep...

This child is a dragon, who you must strive to kill,
though it defeated you once... and, yes, it always will!
Oh, little velveteen knight (and heroes of all kinds),
endeavour to slay the dragon...
(... and yourselves when you try)!
Yes, this monster's immortal... and your fight is in vain,
it only will last forever, some monsters just cannot be slain.
This infant's a beast..., and the dragon's its guardian,
protecting his child, so that no-one can harm it
,
their most gruesome shape puts the fear of death into
our supposed (but velveteen) hero;
yet, you must get me right: there is no choice for the child,
its intentions are good and always upright.
Tell me, why do you frown?
Do you bear questions... or doubt?
Have you not recognised that both, dragon and child,
are in fact more than kin... -they represent the same thing!
And all our characters that you will see or seem
are merely part of the dreamer... and therefore the dream.
 

The Boy Has Built a Catacomb

The Boy has built a catacomb,
he's living in a tomb
below the ground
where there's no sound...-
he's hiding from the world.

Totes Kind (Little Dead Boy)

Yesterday, I was not yet seven
But today I am already a thousand years old;
And even if my body seems to have remained the same
My soul, however, is so close to death.

Where once were bright flowers,
Competing in height and colourfulness,
My world has lost its light
And perishes… in eternal night.

Hungry for meaning and begging for silence,
I am fearfully dreaming, lying awake in the darkness.
Merging with shame, guilt is paralysing my will

 And soon I will be too weak to even die. 

This equals damnation, eternal agony,
When all now seems painful and miserable…!

 Resume

Over there that little mountain rises, while some others dissolve into a plain.
Time redefines itself and falls in sadness, grain by grain ...
"Time, my dear, heals all the wounds", the two-tongued echoes seem to say.
But nothing, nothing changes here, this pain remains and will not go away.

(Lament:)
"I went weak, as I grew old, and time itself has made me slow ...
And as I close my eyes in sadness, a thousand seasons come and go ..."

Might enough to cover all and also cruel enough to reveal,
but all the wounds and scars he carries - neither force nor kiss can ever heal.

Time heals nothing, nothing, nothing ...
Spitefully turns away and laughs.
Leaves you half-broken and in defiance
is only added another scar ...

Time heals nothing, nothing, nothing ...
Spitefully turns away and laughs.
Leaves you half-broken and in defiance
is only added another scar ...

Call it "blind" how he is writhing, counting hours, centuries ...
The pain it grows and glows in tides, unable to vanish, unwilling to cease ...

Time heals nothing, nothing, nothing ...
Pushes 'till we're diving into different flesh.
Time heals nothing, nothing, nothing 
Petrified with some un-nameable shame...

(Lament:)
"Time's fingers claw, I am losing hold. They say: ‘There is no hope for you on earth.
Time either still or maybe rushing ... - In any case it will always turn out worse ...
Time is fleeting, time stands still - It stops for no-one and you are trapped within.
But I do dream of the light..." - You're only falling back into the left-hand side...

(Résumé:)
"How I wish what I was dead and rest in final peace ...
But even the luxury of death can't cure the wounds that time cannot heal ..."
 

La Prima Vez

The first time I saw
your eyes I fell in love with you.
I loved you from that moment
and until the grave, I will love you.

Come close to me my dear one,
you have saved me.
Discover me and tell me
your life's secrets.
 

May I Kiss Your Wound

 May I kiss your wound,
maybe that will heal my soul.
Free me from this tomb,
light my darkness make me (whole)
let me take your hand and together
we shall fly to a lonely place,
where as lovers we can die.
In a land so dark, of seven moons,
eternal night, with a sky of thousand stars,
yet for us there is no light...
There (waits) no lights.

Hello

Explanation:  I picture Unicron fantasizing about being with Starscream, but being unable to tell him. Dreaming about erotic, tender love. Seeing through Sideways, he’d have Starscream pass outside his quarters. In the original song, Lionel Richie sings “I love you”. The real lyric is “sunlight in his hair” but “sunlight in his head” feels more appropriate.

I've been alone with him inside my mind
And in my dreams He kissed my lips a thousand times
I sometimes see him pass outside my door 

Hello, is it me you're looking for?
I can't see it in your eyes
I can't see it in your smile
He's all I've ever wanted, (and) my arms are open wide
'Cause he knows just what to say
And he knows just what to do
And I want to tell him so much, I ... 

I long to see the sunlight in his [head]
And he will tell time and time again how much he cares
Sometimes I feel my heart will overflow

 Hello, I've just got to let him know:
'Cause I wonder where you are
And I wonder what you do
Are you somewhere feeling lonely, or is someone loving you?
Tell me how to win your heart
For I haven't got a clue
But let me start by saying, I ...

Hello, it's not me you're looking for
Though I wonder where you are
And I wonder what you do
Are you somewhere feeling lonely or is someone loving you?
Tell me how to win your heart
For I haven't got a clue
But let me start by saying ... I ...

 

Play Dead

Explanation:  “Playing dead” is curling up into a ball and lying very still. “Play dead” when your Master is hurting you. “Play dead” and pretend you’re outside your body. Unicron spends long eons in stasis, trapped with his personal demons.

darling stop confusing me
with your wishful thinking

hopeful embraces
don't you understand?
i have to go through this
i belong to here where

no-one cares and no-one loves
no light no air to live in
a place called hate
the city of fear

i play dead
it stops the hurting
i play dead
and hurting stops

it's sometimes just like sleeping
curling up inside my private tortures
i nestle into pain
hug suffering
caress every ache

 i play dead
it stops the hurting

 

Dormi 

Explanation: This is a lullaby for a suffering Starscream.

Sleep and see the world
Painted by your dream
Seeming much more peaceful and beautiful
When seen from the wings of a bird 

Forget the sorrow, forget the pain
Forget the poverty, forget the misery
Sleep, sleep, sleep on

 Sleep and follow the faith
Wandering through a land
In which love is not forlorn
When regarded from afar

 Forget the sorrow, forget the pain
Forget the poverty, forget the misery
Sleep, sleep, sleep on

 Sleep and follow hope
From afar
One day you will reach the sea
Captain of a ship

 Forget the sorrow, forget the pain
Forget the poverty, forget the misery
Sleep, sleep, sleep on

One day you will return
As a great knight
A radiant hero
To defeat our master

 Forget the sorrow, forget the pain
Forget the poverty, forget the misery
Sleep, sleep, sleep on

Sleep and hear me
Singing of the future
A book of fairy tales
Singing of freedom

 Forget the sorrow, forget the pain
Forget the poverty, forget the misery
Sleep, sleep, sleep on

An Architect’s Dream

Explanation: A song about sex and painting.

Watching the painter painting
And all the time, the light is changing
And he keeps painting
That bit there, it was an accident
But he's so pleased
It's the best mistake, he could make
And it's my favourite piece
It's just great

The flick of a wrist
Twisting down to the hips
So the lovers begin, with a kiss
In a tryst
It's just a smudge
But what it becomes
In his hands...
Curving and sweeping
Rising and reaching
I could feel what he was feeling
Lines like these have got to be
An architect's dream

It's always the same
Whenever he works on a pavement
It starts to rain
And all the time
The light is changing

 

Élan
Explanation: A song for the cliff-jumping scene. It’s about things coming alive and seeing life as exciting.

 Leave the sleep and let the springtime talk
In tongues from the time before man
Listen to a daffodil tell her tale
Let the guest in, walk out, be the first to greet the morn

 The meadows of heaven await harvest
The cliffs unjumped, cold waters untouched
The elsewhere creatures yet unseen
Finally your number came up, free fall awaits the brave

Come
Taste the wine
Race the blind
They will guide you from the light
Writing noughts till the end of time

Come
Surf the clouds
Race the dark
It feeds from the runs undone
Meet me where the cliff greets the sea

The answer to the riddle before your eyes
Is in dead leaves and fleeting skies
Returning swans and sedulous mice
Writings on the gardens book, in the minute of a lover’s look

Building a sandcastle close to the shore

A house of cards from a worn out deck
A home from the fellowship, poise and calm
Write a lyric for the song only you can understand

Riding hard every shooting star
Come to life, open mind, have a laugh at the orthodox
Come, drink deep let the dam of mind seep
Travel with great élan, dance a jig at the funeral
Come!

Colours of Rain 

Explanation: This is for the scene where it’s raining in the illusion. 

Dante’s Prayer 

Explanation:  This is when Unicron tells Starscream farewell, sending him off to certain death. If Starscream is Dante travelling through hell in order to get back to the virtuous path, Unicron is Vergil, and then Beatrice. Through Hell and back through the center of the Earth. Emerging to a sky full of stars.

 When the dark wood fell before me
And all the paths were overgrown
When the priests of pride say there is no other way
I tilled the sorrows of stone

I did not believe because I could not see
Though you came to me in the night
When the dawn seemed forever lost
You showed me your love in the light of the stars

Cast your eyes on the ocean
Cast your soul to the sea
When the dark night seems endless
Please remember me

Then the mountain rose before me
By the deep well of desire
From the fountain of forgiveness
Beyond the ice and fire 
Cast your eyes on the ocean
Cast your soul to the sea
When the dark night seems endless
Please remember me

 Though we share this humble path, alone
How fragile is the heart
Oh give these clay feet wings to fly
To touch the face of the stars

 Breathe life into this feeble heart
Lift this mortal veil of fear
Take these crumbled hopes, etched with tears
We'll rise above these earthly cares

Cast your eyes on the ocean
Cast your soul to the sea
When the dark night seems endless
Please remember me
Please remember me

Cally Descends

Explanation:  A tension-filled, dissonant song for Starscream’s confrontation with Megatron. Another song I would have used for that scene would be “To Kill a King” by Hungry Lucy, but I wasn’t pleased with how weak the vocals on it are.

Cubilulum Album

Explanation: This is for when Starscream is in Unicron’s gestation chamber. The music suggests white space, floating. Madoka Magica is also a story about cosmic love. 

Winds Over Neo-Tokyo

This is what Minicon chiming is supposed to sound like. It’s also on the official soundtrack for Ambrosia.

Tsumi no Katsuji  

Anthy Himemiya’s situation in Revolutionary Girl Utena is somewhat like Unicron’s.

 Anthy is a quiet girl who is bullied at school. She is the “rose bride” – she will do the bidding of the winner of the student council sword duels. Utena saves her from an abusive fiance without knowing her true nature.

Anthy is a witch and she is bitter and spiteful inside. She is locked in eternal torment, her real body impaled on the “million swords of human hatred” while the Anthy everyone sees at school is a projection. Anthy is sleeping with her older brother, Akio. It’s ugly. Akio is shown to be a prime manipulator, masking his sliminess with charm and sex appeal. Anthy plays along with his schemes.

This song plays when Anthy and Akio are together.

Kuolema Tekee Taiteilijan

Only once I could see my dream

Didn't feel the smallness under the stars

Once I got bars in my cradle

As a prisoner I write a letter from there 

My Lord, let me come to you, let me become what my child thinks I am

In you is the beauty of the world, of which death made me an artist

My Lord, let me come to you, let me become what my child thinks I am 

My own heaven I created here

Let me get away

My own heaven I created here

Let me get away

Missing Link

Explanation: Another song from Utena. In the pivotal scene of the series, Utena has discovered Anthy lying inside a coffin, and reaches for her hand. The song that plays before this scene is “Missing Link”. It’s about Anthy, wondering about her existence inside a metaphorical coffin. 

            Missing link, ooooh

            Missing link, oooh

            This is the link that was lost

            Though I cut ties with this world,

            I continue to transform

            O heavenly bodies!

            Why do I remain

            In this world? 

            Though I cut ties with this world,

            A power is connected still
            O illusion!
            Why do I remain In this time, this place?

            Though once unborn,

            I yet came to be born;

            Most resourceful,

            My heart

            He who is born will die

            He who is born will disappear

            Yet, we persevere;

            It is quite absurd.     

            Though I cut ties with this world,

            A connection remains

            Lo, I have vanished, yet now I am singing

            Lo, I have vanished, yet now I am laughing

            Lo, I have vanished, yet now I am petrified

            Lo, I have vanished, yet now I am living

             Missing link, missing link...

 

 

Nova

Explanation: And the two of them live happily ever after.

I long to feel my heart burned open wide
till nothing else remains except the fires from which I came

Like parted souls, divided for an age,
awe and wonder I'd embrace, and the world anew again

But now, this picture from me fades
From still's cold hand there's no reprieve
So light the fire in me

Shine!
Shine your light on me
Illuminate me
Make me complete
Lay me down and wash this world from me
Open the skies and burn it all away
Because I've been waiting
All my life just waiting for you to shine
Shine your light on me

I dreamt the world with my eyes open
but time moved on and then
new world begin again
Oh my heart in this universe so vast
No moment was made to last
So light the fire in me

Shine!
Shine your light on me
Illuminate me
Make me complete
Please shine!
Shine your light on me
No hesitation
Make me complete
Lay me down and wash this world from me
Open the skies and burn it all away
Because I've been waiting
All my life just waiting for you to shine
Shine your light on me

Lay me down and wash this world from me
Open the skies and burn it all away
Because I've been waiting
All my life for you to shine
Shine your light on me

 

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